A Funny Thing Happened on the Band Trip
by iommifan
Summary: This was my first band trip. I want to see if anybody can top this.


A Funny Thing Happened on the Band Trip

By iommifan

(Note: The following is a true story. The names have been changed to protect the guilty parties. If you know anybody resembling these characters, you should go lock yourself in your room and take a serious look at your life.)

It was my freshman year, and about half of our band took a trip to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee just for the heck of it. To get you up to speed, here is a brief synopsis of the trip up to the event that corrupted my mind and made me an official band geek, and will probably be the event that drives me to alcoholism.

On the first evening, we unloaded all of the luggage off the trailer and to our rooms. My friends, who will be referred to as Ace and Monty, had a Hefty bag full of costumes, the contents of which included a gorilla suit and a pair of sparkly red Speedos. We then proceeded to the Comedy Barn to watch a show which included a man with little foam clubs making audience members "sing" the song "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen by hitting them on the heads with the clubs. The rest of that night included enjoying pizza and _Back to the Future _with Ace, Monty, and their roommates, whom I shall call Patrick and Mark. Ace and Monty proceeded to wrestle each other and pretty much tear the room up.

The next day, we went to Golden Corral for breakfast, during which I found out that our band director, Mr. Charles, was nearly kidnapped by a gorilla and Duffman, a superhero who wears sparkly red Speedos. Ace and Monty said, upon questioning, that Mr. Charles must have been stoned and hallucinating. Before we left, Ace and the gang (myself included) stole a bunch of bananas from the buffet. Ace hid his in his coat pocket, which made him look excited. We then went to Dollywood, where we rode the bumper cars in attack formation. We then went to dinner at the Dixie Stampede, where I decided that the word of the day (think of "PeeWee's Playhouse") should be "stampede". We then returned to the hotel, where I destroyed my roommates at poker. After they were broke, we went to bed (one to each bed and one in the floor).

Here's where things start to get interesting. I hadn't even lapsed into a temporary coma when I was awakened by a call from Mr. Charles. He asked me if Ace and Monty had left their rooms. I asked him why he needed to know, and he told me about their tradition. On the last night of the last band trip of each year, they snuck out of their room and roamed the halls naked. As my sudden attack of the giggles subsided, he explained that we could be thrown out of the hotel. I said that I'd call when I knew anything, and then I tried to go to sleep, as it was an ungodly hour of the morning. My eyes had just closed when I heard a knock at the door. When I looked to see who it was, I saw Monty standing outside the door wearing a towel around his waist. I tried to send him back to his room while he tried to get me to go with him to a "secret party". He finally left, but before I could get to sleep, he was back with Ace in his towel. Thoroughly pissed by now, I threatened to rat them out, which ran them off with Monty saying "I thought you were cool, man." I thought that was the end of it.

But it wasn't. Soon after, I received a call from Mr. Charles, and I told him that they were in their room again and hung up. Then a chaperone (fully clothed, thank goodness) asked if I had heard anything in the hall. I told her about the guys, and about that time, Patrick's mom came down the hall dragging Ace and Monty by the arms and chewing them out the entire time. Mr. Charles then came to resolve the situation, and I was told to go back to sleep. In about ten minutes, I was summoned and asked why I didn't call. As I tried to work my way out of the pile of crap I had landed in, I saw a smile cross Mr. Charles' face. He then said "I gotta break it to you. This was all a joke." As I stood there dumbfounded, the guys took their towels off to reveal their swimming trunks and explained how everybody but me knew about the joke. I finally got some sleep, and we went home.

I'm iommifan, and I've been punk'd and initiated into the secret order of the Cobras (our band gang). The fate of the bananas is unknown.


End file.
